Something about the concrete buildings and the thousands of people around me and the sound of honking horns just is not my vibe. I’m describing the city, a big big city. Directly after leaving Morocco I went to Madrid, which is honestly one of the cities I don’t mind visiting. Even though Madrid itself has so much for me to love, city spaces in general always make me feel stuffy and a little lost.
Especially if the city is far from the ocean. I get confused like a literal fish out of water.
I spent my first few days there running around the city and spending countless hours socializing with so many people. It was so heartwarming to see old friends and to make new ones. We spent nights in crazy bars and spent the days shopping or sightseeing. And as one might expect, I started to lose my yoga routine and didn’t really do the things to take care of myself that I normally do. I wasn’t even taking the time to journal or write while I was there.
Yes, there’s many reasons this happened. Not only was I visiting a friend and making new friends, I was also staying in a hostel, which makes everything inconvenient. While acknowledging that the change was in habits was valid, I know I feel my best when I have my shit in order (excuse my French). For me, that looks like writing, fitting in some sort of movement that can look like yoga on my mat or stretching on the floor, and meditating in some capacity. I’m not one for strict routines, but taking time for all of these throughout the week, if not every day, is super important to my mental and emotional health.
Even though I know that about myself, spending my time and energy being social is such an automatic response for me. It is so simple for me to brush away the little things that I do for myself if the alternative is being my extroverted self. Especially if that means I get to explore a new place.
After being in Madrid for about a week and ignoring what my body was telling me, I noticed all of this coming down on me. I had plans to go out with a new friend I made while in town who was leaving the next day. We had vowed to go extra hard and dance all night since it was our last night together.
When these plans came around and it was actually time to go out and spend time with someone, I literally broke down at the thought. I cried on the roof of my hostel and called my best friend so I could talk to someone who I knew would understand. My emotions were truly tapped out. I had no energy or space for other people and was just too exhausted for the outside world. This kind of emotional break doesn’t happen often, but every time it does happen while I always think there has to be some big reason or explanation. There must be something huge going on for me to be emotional like this.
But that is totally not true.
I’m literally just a human being that has big emotions who is dealing with them in a lot of foreign environments.
Each time I find myself more mentally and emotionally exhausted, this pattern shows up again. I tend to push and push and push until I break rather than resting before I’m too tapped out. Especially if I notice myself tiring out, I will often ignore the signs because I’m having too much fun to stop.
It’s as if I have to trap my emotions and my “weakness” inside of me when I’m in a place that I don’t feel a sense of freedom in. For me, big cities have a history of doing this to me. In the end, I understand that I am doing it to myself. But the environment is usually the same. My body and my mind just crave nature, particularly the ocean.
This is something I take so seriously when I travel. Even before I became a yoga teacher, in my yoga classes my teachers have always been telling me that it is so important to listen to what my body is telling me. While I clearly don’t practice this perfectly, I feel like being near the ocean gives my brain the freedom to try its best to listen. Even though I can’t always spot myself feeling emotionally landlocked before I break, being connected to the places and the things that bring me peace is helpful.
I do my best to travel to places where I feel connected to nature. As often as possible.
That’s why you’ll always see me traveling and living in places that are in direct contact with the ocean. The ocean is my safe place. That’s where I feel like I can keep up with the practices that make me feel the most like me.
It took me a really long time to notice that this was one of the things that was in my control that could bring me more balance. I spent years feeling the same way I did felt while in Madrid and burning myself out over and over again. It’s important for me to notice that those times were not negative compared to the times I’m experiencing now. They were necessary. Those years taught me what body loves and what my body is not so fond of.
Now, I have a sense of responsibility to that version of myself. She deserves this time, where I know myself better and where I can do things to feel less emotionally landlocked. She deserves the ocean.
Who knows what you’ll find that brings you the most peace? Your body will be there to tell you.
Let’s learn to listen to our bodies together.
Have a little poem
written by me about being thankful for the earth and for nature. And stick around for more content about yoga, nature, the world, and all the things my students teach me:
as my body rests here,
the sand below me warm from the sun,
my skin pink from refusing the shade,
the wind from the sea reminds my lungs to
inhale all this wonder and to
exhale all my pain.
And to that wind I whisper
thank you.
I’m glad I’m part of your life 🤍